Sorry so long....

Well, I have just not made time to update the blog. Where do I start? Clara had her first overnighter with the boys at their meemaw & pawpaw's house last Friday. It went very well and meemaw was exhausted after all was said and done. This was a test run for when Clay and I go on a business trip to Florida this Saturday for 4 days. This is going to be extremely tough for me!! I know it is great to have Clara spend quality time with my parents as the boys have done. This is why the boys have such a wonderful relationship with them. I want Clara and them to have that same great bond. It is just harder to share this go around as compared to when I was younger.

I have included a little video of Clara in her bath. She has already gottne too big for it. She really loves the water which will be important in this family...we all thrive in the pool and lake!! I cannot wait to get her in the pool and also take boat rides. She is going to love it as will we all just watching her!!!

Thursday was Valentines Day and we had a great one. The kids and I made Valentines cookies for Clay and we had dinner at Outback and then ice cream from Shakes and a movie later at the house. It was a nice evening. Here is a pic of the boys with their chocolate candy. I figure Clara will get her box of chocolates next year and we will haev a pic of all three with the boys teaching Clara how to dig in!!!

I had a tough phone call with Tierra on Sunday. I called to check that she had gotten the videos and pictures I had sent. She had. I could tell in her voice that she was not okay. She ended up asking me to save up all the videos and pictures of Clara to give her in a year or so. She stated that it was too tough to see Clara right now. This was devastating to me at first. I completely understood where she was coming from but that openness had been very important to me. I do realize though that it is not about me and I will just make a HUGE box for her next Christmas which Tierra mentioned could be her Christmas present. This took me a few days to swallow. Never in a lifetime do I ever want to do anything that might hurt Tierra or make her uncomfortable in any way. I do thank God that she felt open enough to share this with me. It was just hard to swallow at first. I am getting better with it each day. I so much want her here to share every breath, new sound, new look, discovering her beautiful hair with her perfect little hands, etc. There is still that guilt that I have the honor of watching Clara grow into the wonderful Christian God wants her to be while Tierra is missing it here in this lifetime.

Trying too much in one day

Do you ever have one/or many of those days where you get the energy to do what you want and then there is just too much to do?? Today was one of those days. I had so many things I wanted to get done and I did get a lot done, but in my mind had a lot more I wanted to do. We got school completed, the house straightened, laundry, laundry, laundry, and got it put away pretty well, cleaned Cullen's room out and threw out a garbage bag of stuff and got over another garbage bag of clothes to give away. He now can store his "stuff" away nicely and I tried to find a place for most. I also got dinner ready for all of us and a package to send off to Tierra. I then could not find her address. Now how messed up is that to lose her address. I tried to call her and she was not at home. I really gave my self grief over losing her address. I am sure it is here somewhere but b/c of my disorganization I thought it would be easier to call and ask. I am going to store it in the computer now....then it cannot walk away. Is that sad???

Clara is growing so quickly. I just weighed her while ago and if it is right she is at around 14 lbs!!! She has more than doubled her weight of 6 lbs 14 oz. Geeez!!! She is absolutely the light of my life and the rest of the family's as well. The boys are just in love and Clay is just head over hills!!! I ordered some hair products and they finally came in for her. I got Carol's Daughter for her. So far I am really pleased but I like the Tui scent better than some of the other stuff I got. I bought the Saturday Morning set. It has a bit of everything in it. Her hair is just growing away!!! I am trying to get prepared to care for it. I think her hair texture is chaning sooner rather than later. I am going to try and add a clip of her talking to me.

Some days are tough to get over mourning for Tierra!! I got a package ready to send off to her and I just have this guilt that really gets to me. There is so much in me that wants her to be enjoying every breath she takes right along with me; every sound, cry, smile, coo, every extra ounce she puts on. I have read this is common in adoptive mothers but I guess I did not expect to feel this way sometimes. I know God has a plan and there is no doubt in my mind Clara is a HUGE part of this family and growing it stronger every day, but I cannot help but grieve for Tierra's loss. I wonder if I am checking in enough with them and then when I do I wonder if I am bothering her. I miss them dearly.....

On a lighter note, school is just really going well with the kids. I am amazed at what they are learning. It is a fantastic privilege to watch my boys learn about plant and animal cells, start enjoy reading, learning to read, and excel!! They are really growing into fantastic young men and I look forward to every day in seeing who God is molding them into being. I cannot wait for Clara to be soaking it all up too....wait a minute...she is soaking up every little thing. She watches EVERYTHING!!! She could tell you every bump in the ceiling, every window, loves looking at the dogs when they come up to her and say Hi. She almost every time the boys approach her. It is truly amazing to watch!! I would never have dreamed God could make my life so rich!!!

New Clara pics...post placement visit

Well, I tried to save some money and take some baby photos myself. I like the pics but they are definitely not professional quality, or "Michelle" quality as she has taken our family pictures. She is absolutely wonderful!! Her website is http://home.joimail.com/~picturethis/ Her business name is Picture This Creative Photography by Michele Jones.

I really love photography and would love to some day be able to take "professional" quality pictures and have some realy creativity behind it. I do have to admit with Clara it is really impossible to take a bad picture...if I say so myself. I just don't have all the equipment I would like to have or the imagination/creativity. Hopefully my eye and knowledge will grow and I can get better and better. I am going to try practicing a LOT!

We had our first out of 2 post placement visits for finalizing our adoption of Clara. It went well and I just love talking about her and how things are going. She is doing absolutely wonderul. She is a true joy and an even bigger blessing than we could have ever dreamed. We all love her so much!!! I am so grateful for adoption!! It is a blessing and I truly admire Tierra every time I look at Clara's face. How can I ever thank her enough!!! I really don't think she will ever know what she has done for our family and what a huge part in every day of our lives she plays a role in. I miss them and my heart hurts for her many times a day. I continue to pray for them and will continuously and ALWAYS!! I look forward to the day we can all get together again and rejoice again in the option of adoption!!!